“Love makes the world go round“, this is one common belief among the most intelligent creatures on earth generally known as HUMANS and scientifically classified as Homo sapiens but I being one of them personally believe that this belief is defiantly a mistake. This world goes round by not love, but “wishes”. Love itself relates to desires of being with someone, a wish to care for someone and spend a lifetime with them (and a lot more). Hence indirectly, “Wishes make the world go round”.
I don’t know what the first human on earth wished for but I can bet he did wish to see many more like him, and then came into the existence of a little baby or may be several little babies. We all are a part of that wish. We are someone’s, wish come true. Amazingly we humans are so overwhelmed with our wishes that we live in them, for them and even because of them.
The car we drive was our wish once upon a time, the job we’ve been doing since the past 10 years may not match any level of our interest but we do it just because it pays us enough to afford “that” flat we wished for, sometime in life, in fact most of the time, people just want to live for their wishes.
This isn’t a negative human characteristic from any aspect, as it only helps the personal growth of one being. Now let’s accept the facts, this characteristic is positive until it is aimed at oneself but unfortunately most of us enforce our wishes and desires on others. May it be, our wives, husbands or most of the times our kids.
When these wishes are enforced on someone who is a totally different person than you, this causes a HUGE personality disaster – especially in children.
Most of the cases belonging to “Multiple Personality Disorder” result in children who were compared to other children of fellow age groups or not accepted as who they were.
Children always strive for the “praise” of their parents; hence they tend to do certain things just for the sake of making them happy. Parents, who compare their children with other kids around them, are forcing the child to either catch hold of certain habits of other children which parents “express” as good or they push them into severe depression.
Unfortunately even in such modern days, parents tend to “expect” certain things from little babies who probably don’t even know their own names. Sadly these wishes are enforced on children so early at an age that the child mistakes them with “things that make parents happy” and do not get enough time to realize it’s their own life so parents can “wish” but do not expect all their “wishes” to come true which if does not happen, the child is usually punished.
May it be the color of dress your mother wants to see you in or may it be the grades your father wants to see on your report card, to the kind of professional degree you should have and the kind of man/woman you should marry, most of us are stuck within the jails of the desires and wishes of our parents.
No, I DO NOT intend to say that we shall go against our parents, BUT to parents I shall say, they should think at least once before enforcing any kind of wish on their child, especially if the wish says “I wish you fulfill ALL my wishes“, just remember just like you could not fulfill several wishes of your parents, we aren’t genies either and worse, we are humans, we have our own wishes and limited capabilities to what extent we can fulfill any demands.
As observed, most parents tend to achieve certain targets through their children which they wished for and did not get a chance to achieve while they were busy fulfilling wishes of their parents. This way moving to next generation you can expect us enforcing our “wishes” on our children just because we couldn’t fulfill them as our parents didn’t give us a chance to and then this continues as a cycle and will continue forever this way. Every little baby is a pack of new born wishes for the parents and for the baby himself.
When the baby is born, parents wish to name him after someone they respected OR give him a name they adored and then they wish he calls them mum and dad, these little wishes aren’t wrong. Things go wrong when parents start wishing that the baby shall become a doctor, teacher, and engineer etc., the baby shall buy them a home, grow up and earn for a better living for them etc. This is like pressurizing the child even when he doesn’t know how to identify his own bottle of milk. And side by side the child starts wishing for certain things, obviously not huge but as simple as a certain toy he really wants and parents do not mind these little beautiful wishes either. Eventually as the baby grows up, his wishes grow up too but parents tend to “ignore” this fact and hence, then expect the child to suddenly do “just as they say”. This behavior at certain times “kills” the actual personality of the child because when the child fails to fulfill a wish as little as not drinking that juice with billions of additives in it and gets beaten up for that, then for every little thing the child tends to do what his parents want and not what he wants. This leads to him becoming a person his parents want him to be, NOT what he himself would’ve grown up to be.
Similarly, when two people get together in a relationship each one tends to hold expectations from the other and both strive to fulfill them, resulting in diversion of the focus from the “feelings someone holds for you” to “who that someone is for you”. This results in frustration and exhaustion therefore leading the relation to an end or an extreme disturbed situation.
But unluckily there isn’t any campaign regarding this sort of mental harassment on children and adults, may be due to unawareness or probably due to a lot of controversies on this topic.
Written by: Dr. AM