When cupid hits the wrong side..

When cupid hits the wrong side, which it does very often. Either something is terribly wrong with the cupids archery skills or the human race is a mess.
Statistics show that breakups happen literally everyday around the world. So right now while you’re reading this someone’s getting their heart broken. According to numbers about 20% of the breakups are a result of cheating whereas long believed myth that long distance relationships are “the major reason for unsuccessful relationships” is only true for about 16% of the time.
So what brings you here today?
A broken heart? Fear of the up coming Valentines day or just a plain interest? Anything it may be, first of all let me tell you what this is going to be about.
Today we’re going to figure out what to do when the cupid hits the wrong side! How to deal with it? How to handle it and get through it?
So let’s, keep our phones aside (unless you’re reading on it, of course) and let’s stop thinking about texting him! Yes I said that. I know it’s going to be hard but you really need to stop (even if that means you having to sit on your hands). You need to understand that he is not good for you, because good things don’t hurt you.
When we were all little kids, life was much simpler. You know why? Because if it made you cry you wouldn’t go to it again and if it made you happy you’d keep it closer than your heart! It’s amazing to think that as a child life made much more sense than it does now. Why can’t we do that again? Why do we need to put our self in situations that hurt us?
We can do that, if we try and keep it simple. I am the kind of person who use to believe in second chances, but that doesn’t mean you keep giving a second chance for the rest of your life. Sometimes, infact when it comes to relationships it’s always better to let go.

So the new rules are:

1. No second chances

Make it clear from the first date, that if they mess up, there isn’t a second chance. Yes I agree it increases the pressure, but if they stay and actually work to make things right the very first time, not only will you know you’ve found the right one but depending on the effort you can actually consider a second chance (just in-case).
Why would I say no second chances?
I once read somewhere, “When your past calls, don’t answer because it has nothing new to say” and I truly agree with this. When you’ve read the book, and you know how it ends, no matter how many times you re read it the hero will poison the girl at the end! (I mean the ending doesn’t change).

2. Learn to set boundaries

You might be thinking, oh! This one isn’t for after things have gone wrong.. Yes it is. Set boundaries. Say no to negative friends. Those who make you feel terrible about yourself. Those who remind you of your previous expressions of love towards the one who just cheated on you or lied to you. Those are terrible people. AVOID THEM. And the worst person is he who break ups with you and asks you if you could still be friends. Tell him NO! Make it clear that you never want to see them again and you mean it. Believe me things will be so much better.

3. Love yourself!

Often times when you’re with someone, you forget to give yourself the time you deserve. Not just time, sometimes you stop respecting yourself either. You are so into the other person that you don’t even realize when they cross the boundary and everything falls apart. It’s only when they walk out the door and you turn to look inside yourself with tear-filled eyes,  that you realize what a mess they’ve created of you. And if it is worse, to be honest you might even experience a feeling where you can’t recognize yourself anymore. You can’t remember your hobbies, you can’t even remember the last time you hung out with your friends! But that’s okay. You don’t need to be hard on yourself. You’ll figure it out in a while. Just give yourself a break. Go and have a nice long episode of crying, pour your heart out and then we can talk.
Now that you’re feeling better, let’s get working.

Get a paper and a pen and write down 2 hobbies you remember enjoying the most! (It could even include something you’ve always wanted to try but couldn’t get to it).

Now here’s the deal: you do these 2 things for the next 2 weeks and you are free to cry over your heart-breaker for 1 hour EVERYDAY! – Not more (less is even better). Now the choice is yours if you want to cry for 30 minutes 2 times a day or 1 hour straight. We’ll call that your mourning hour, the time when you will sit and think about him as much as you want. You can curse him, write things you want to say to him on a piece of paper or simply sing sad romantic songs but other than this hour you will NOT think about him.
Now this works only if you love yourself enough to be honest to yourself and do it the right way.
After those 2 weeks you can start the next 2 weeks by adding more hobbies according to the flexibility of your schedule. But the main point is to start getting better, even if it’s starting with little baby steps.
Now that you know these 3 rules, you’re good to go. Just remember, don’t spend much time alone (only do it if it is absolutely important), feel free to crash on your best friend’s/Mom’s couch and make sure you’re tired enough after the whole day that you go to sleep as soon as you hit the bed. You don’t want to have energy to get flooded by the memories.
*Selfish tip: Block your ex. Be a little strict to yourself and block them EVERYWHERE (also delete their number if possible), it’s only going to help you get better sooner.*


Take Care!

Dr. AM

P.S. I understand I have referred to “the heart-breaker” as a male, I am in no way trying to express some sort of gender bias. Every word here is equally true for both male/female.

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